I feel like I really need to figure out what I want in my life. I have such vague ideas, and they change constantly. I’ve often liked to blame my noncommittance on being a Gemini (we are the twins after all) but I know that’s a lame excuse.
I was looking for more information about the law of attraction on Oprah’s website and read an article called, Have You Created Your Magic List Yet?. Often, when people try to implement the law of attraction, they will write lists of things or qualities they want to manifest.
But basically in this article it talked about how temporary and shallow things on the list don’t come true. It’s the deep and meaningful “soul wishes” that will manifest. After I read the article, I sat thinking about what I want in my life, and realized I have no earthly clue.
I know the general vague things. I want to be happy. I want to be financially stable. Etc etc. But I don’t know the specifics. I couldn’t tell you want my dream job would be. I couldn’t even tell you what my dream husband would be like. They’re things I’ve never spent much time planning or thinking about (which might be why I keep ending up in these dead-end relationships).
While I realize it is futile to plan out every single aspect of your life (because life never works out exactly how you want it to), I’m starting to realize that it wouldn’t hurt to sit down and come up with some specifics. I feel like I haven’t really taken an active role in living my life up to this point. I feel like I’ve left a lot of my life up to other people, or to the wings of chance.
It scares me though. I will admit it wholeheartedly. The idea of taking charge of my life, the idea that I could have the perfect life I imagine, terrifies me. I’ve always had a fear of change. I’ve always been more content to sit in my safe little box, regardless of how miserable I may actually be in that box. Staying the same is always easier then changing.
But I feel like I really need to sit down and make changes. I’ve lived my whole life always wanting to do something or be something but never accomplishing it because the fear of changing, the fear of hard work, kept me right where I was. It is scary. And it does take work. It takes time. And I have to make a conscious effort to change. But it needs to be done. I can’t keep being who I’ve been.
So I’ve got some lists to make. Even if the law of attraction is a load of BS, making these lists will help me figure out what I want in my life.
This’ll be hard.