So tonight’s post will be quick. I used up my normal blog posting time to work on my fashion blog. Yes, it’s officially a fashion blog now!! I changed the URL, updated the theme and pages, and got the posts formatted correctly.
I still have some kinks to work out – like the fact that I don’t have a logo to use for the header section. It really sucks I don’t have Photoshop on my computer anymore, so coming up with a logo will be a lot more difficult. I’m also not officially decided on the background either. But regardless, I’m already really happy with how it looks.
So check it out: http://modaolan.wordpress.com/
So anyways, I don’t have much to update. I was planning to write a post about my ex tonight since I spent like 2 hours today Facebook chatting him. But while the Facebook chat went fine, I know writing a blog post about him right now would make me upset and I’d rather bask in the happiness of making my fashion blog. Sappy ex-boyfriend post can wait until tomorrow.
And I know my past couple of posts have talked mainly about the law of attraction and sort of new-agey stuff, but now I’m starting to question my focus on it. I really feel like I just need to devote myself to Buddhism. I hate it. I’ve been calling myself a Buddhist for over a year now, but I still haven’t put many of the teachings into practice.
The sad part is, is I know devoting more time to Buddhism would really help heal the various hurts inside of me, but fear is keeping me from proceeding. I really think I have a fear of stillness. You’ll hear people talk about it a lot. When you’re hurting in any form, you try to distract yourself by staying busy and avoiding silence (which is exactly what I’ve been doing).
And even though I know personal growth and healing won’t come any other way than from sitting and being still, I’m avoiding it because it is scary. Being still means facing the hurt – and that’s always hard. I keep looking for easy-way-outs, like the law of attraction, because I’m avoiding doing the real work, the hard work. I went through 2 or 3 years of therapy when I was younger. The idea that I have to endure the same sort of thing now, but alone, terrifies me. I guess the only consolation I have is that I at least recognize the fear that is holding me back. At least I’m not blind to it.
But yeah, that’s all I got to say right now. I go back to Columbus in exactly 3 weeks. I’m excited but not excited. I don’t feel emotionally ready to see my ex face to face again. But musings on that can wait until tomorrow. Yay new fashion blog. It makes me smile.quie Yay buddhism. It keeps me sane.