They Need a Whole New Word for Me

I’m late! I’m late! But not really. After having a conversation with one of my friend’s on facebook, she inadvertently inspired me to create an outfit inspired by a pimp. I’ll post it on my fashion blog next week, but I just had to finish the outfit tonight while my creative juices were flowing. I know that’s so random, but my friends are random. What can I say?? She issued me a challenge. I had to take it.

But anyways…..I’m feeling quite satisfied tonight after an all day shopping trip with my mom. I finally managed to get most of my “wardrobe checklist” crossed off. Bout the only thing left on my “list” is a new (p)leather jacket. Other than that, I’m all set!! I can’t wait to go back to Columbus and show off all my new clothes. ;D

So a question occurred to me randomly today.
Is there a word to define someone who is only attracted to someone after they get to know their personality?? A quick googling of the subject didn’t really return any solid results. I want to know, because that’s what I am.

I know sexuality is an awkward topic, but I’m gonna talk about it anyways.
For several years, I identified myself as bisexual but that kind of went by the wayside as I lost basically any desire to ever have a relationship with a woman. I identified as straight for a long time, and I still kind of do now. (I oscillate between whether I should call myself straight or bisexual). I like to think of myself as a straight girl, who is occasionally physically attracted to women.

But, even if I mostly identify with straight, I have a really hard time relating to my girl friends who like to ooh and aah over cute guys. I see all these guys on tv who are supposed to be absolutely amazing sexy handsome whatever, and I’m just not attracted to them. I always chalked it up to my strange taste in men (seriously, you should see my exes) but then I realized it one day after a conversation like this happened:

Friend: Look at him, isn’t he so hot/cute/sexy/etc? (shows me picture)
Me: I guess….sure…??
Friend: How can you not think he’s hot??
Me: I just can’t tell if I don’t know what his personality is like first.

So that. I know it’s common to be attracted to someone’s personality. You can’t have romantic relationships without an attraction to someone’s personality. But as far as I know, it’s not common for personality to be an impediment to finding someone attractive. You know what I mean?? When I’m walking down the street, and a guy that most girls would find attractive passes me, I am ambivalent towards his attractiveness. I don’t find him unattractive, I’m ambivalent. (I think the definition of ambivalent applies in this situation).

But, like I mentioned earlier, I am also occasionally attracted to girls. But this whole ambivalence thing, doesn’t apply with them. I either find you attractive or I don’t. It doesn’t matter what kind of personality you have.

Ugh. I need my own special word to categorize myself.
But does anybody know what I’m talking about?? Does anybody experience a similar thing?? Regardless of the whole bisexuality thing, are there people out there who need the personality to evaluate someone’s attractiveness??

I mean, while googling stuff, I ran across the term pansexuality and the best I found it described was being attracted to someone regardless of their gender or nongender. And, that does fit me. I prefer to call it nondiscrimination, but whatever. If I’m attracted to you I’ll date you regardless of whether you’re male, female, transgendered, no gender (is that possible?), or whatever else genders there might be out there.

Maybe I should just call myself flexible. Haha.

I have another question. What is so revolutionary or taboo about the idea that people can love people outside of proscribed gender roles?? Maybe it seems common sense to me because I naturally swing in whichever way, but what’s the big deal if someone is attracted to their own sex or a different sex or all sexes or whatever?? This is really baffling to me.

I’m a libertarian, so I really don’t understand other peoples’ need to meddle in other peoples’ lives. Like seriously, leave them alone. I love that meme floating around on the internet that says “Don’t agree with gay marriage? Then don’t get one.”

Okay, and I’ll even go so far as to say, I respect peoples’ right to disagree with gay marriage. That’s cool. You’ve got your own ideas. I’ve got mine. But why do people feel the need to force their idea on other people??

You know what I really hate?? The slippery slope argument. But if we let gay people get married, then the polygamists will want to get married!! Gasp!! And why shouldn’t they get married also?? I think they should be able to get married too. I’m very liberal when it comes to who and how many people you have sex with. Isn’t this what this all boils down to?? Sex.

Okay, I’m sorry. I’m confusing myself now. It’s late. Maybe one day when I can make more sense of what I’m writing and I’m not also trying to multitask, I will continue this defense of letting people screw who they want to screw. But seriously, I need to get ready for bed now. Good night.


About emilleejoyce

I am a yoga alliance 200 hour certified yoga teacher whose hobbies include growing cacti and succulents, cooking vegan food, and bicycling. My day job is in academic publishing.

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