There’s really nothing you can do.

Tonight I bought an album of Chopin’s Favorite Piano works. Classical music is just so good when you’re in whatever mood I’m in: sad, contemplative, meditative, wanting-to-be-alone mood. It’s just such peaceful and relaxing music. Piano is the one instrument I’m sad I haven’t kept up with throughout the years.

I don’t really have much to say about today. I didn’t have Turkish so I didn’t see my ex, and I won’t see him tomorrow either. I has my first entomology lab and it was fun. We learned how to pin a moth. I think that class will be fun, purely because I like bugs, and you can tell the professor loves what he does as well.

I have my first real comparative studies class tomorrow, as in the actual professor should be there. I did all my reading for it today. I had to read a translation of 1001 Arabian Knights and then a commentary on the translation. I’m excited for the class because it’s about what I hope my future career will be. It will give me a good idea of whether translation is really the direction I want to go in.

Tonight I really just feel blah. This always happens after several days of being on emotional edge. My emotions are just kind of drained. Not to mention listening to my new classical piano album has calmed me down significantly.

So I really don’t know what to write about.
I miss last year. And I’m not even talking about my ex right now. I miss having the roommate I had. I miss the dorm I was living in, even though it had no air conditioning. I miss being closer to my friends distance wise.
Even with getting my heart broken so badly last school year, my memory of last year just seems so much better than the way things are now.

I have to work tomorrow.
I don’t think my henna took well to being in a glove over a hot grill for so long on Sunday. It’s already starting to fade away. So much for it lasting a couple weeks.

Oh. I noticed today that my peace lily is putting on a new bloom. I guess it likes its new home in my dorm. It gets significantly more sun than it did back home. I keep forgetting that I need to put pictures of my plants on here. And I was supposed to upload pictures of my dorm as well.

So my favorite place to sit at Mirror Lake is under a tree. And there are these spiders that live in the tree and hang down by a silk thread, I assume to hunt. I really need to find out what kind of spider they are because I’ve never seen anything like them in Georgia. Hey, maybe my entomology professor would know.

I’m contemplating going to the entomology club’s first meeting this Wednesday. It definitely sounds fun and like something I would enjoy. It’s just always so hard to make myself do new things like that. It could be an opportunity to make new friends. And playing with bugs is always a plus.

So I can’t decide if I should wear my hair up or down with the outfit I’m planning Wednesday. Wednesday’s when I’ll see my ex, so I have to look fabulous, and wearing my hair up would definitely be a “new” look for me. But my hair is my security blanket. I don’t know how uncomfortable it would make me to go all day with my hair in a bun, even if it was a fabulous bun.

I wish it were Wednesday already. So I could see my ex, talk to him, maybe impress him a little bit. I suppose it’s sad I’m still trying so hard to impress him. But can you really blame me?? Looking like a bum is no way to impress your ex and/or make him jealous. Especially when your ex is like mine, who places a big emphasis on always looking nice.

Sorry for the whole disjointed, random stream-of-consciousness post tonight. I’m literally just writing things down as they pop into my head. I can’t think of anything specific to write about tonight, so the random stuff is all I got. I guess it’s better than rambling on and on about my ex. Anything’s better than that.

I have resolved myself to take things one day at a time. I read a quote on pinterest today that said something along the lines of “A person will put you where they want you in their life, regardless of whether you deserve to be there.” And so, I’ll let my ex put me where he wants me in his life and leave it at that. I’ll try my best not to wonder or obsess or worry about him, and the cards will fall as they may.

This is of course easier said than done, and I can’t promise tomorrow I won’t have another weepy blog post about him. But that’s how I’m feeling right now. Like there’s nothing I can do, so why bother?? I’m not planning on communicating any of my feelings or worries to my ex anytime soon, so there’s no point in constantly ruminating on what he may or may not be thinking, how he may or may not react or feel.

It sucks. Of course it does. But I just have to deal with it. There’s nothing else I can really do about it. It’s the unfortunate reality of my situation.


About emilleejoyce

I am a yoga alliance 200 hour certified yoga teacher whose hobbies include growing cacti and succulents, cooking vegan food, and bicycling. My day job is in academic publishing.

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