Rambling

I feel like writing tonight. I don’t know what about, but I just feel like writing.

We have been reading an awesome book in our English class, Tropic of Orange, and I just got finished reading 2 chapters of it. Reading always puts me in a writing mood, makes me want to try my hand at writing as eloquently as the author.

But I don’t know.

I want to write some poetry. It’s been a long time since I wrote any poetry. According to Microsoft Word, I haven’t written a poem since June. I love poetry. It’s how I express my soul. I can’t draw or paint very well, listening to music doesn’t accomplish much, and playing music doesn’t make me feel very much either – so I write poetry instead.

Usually I look on it as a good sign that I haven’t written any poetry lately. I usually only write poetry when I’m feeling sad or depressed or overwhelmed or an emotion that is generally considered negative. But I want to learn to write poetry when I’m happy too. My poetry writing was born out of my 3 year depression back in middle school. I’ve never quite learned how to feel inspired when I’m not sad.

My piercings seem to be healing well. It’s been, what, like 3 days now??
I have to be careful not to obsess too much about their appearance. I’m honestly glad I can’t actually see my septum piercing. I can’t actually see where the jewelry goes through my nose. Because I can see my belly button piercing, and it looks funny. I think it’s a normal funny, but I still want to obsess over it, worry about it. And I have to tell myself no. My body will heal itself in its own time.

I can’t believe piercings take so long to heal. It’s only been 3 days but I feel like they should already be healed up by now. My friend’s tattoo is only supposed to take 2-4 weeks to heal…but I guess a hole through your body takes a little longer. My belly button is supposed to take 6 months at the minimum. Most sources say it won’t be fully healed and toughened until after a year.

Wow. A year. It seems like a long time, but at the same time, it seems like a short time. So much happens in one year. And I’m supposed to wear this jewelry all that time, never take it out. In a year I will become a junior in college, maybe if I’m lucky travel to turkey, maybe meet a boy, maybe make new friends. Who knows?? A lot happens in a year.

My septum is only supposed to take 3 months. 3 month isn’t that bad. It should be healed by Christmastime. My nose is still very sore. My nose tip hurts to touch, and I think the insides are still swollen as well. Having my septum pierced feels like I have boogers in my nose. Like I have a cold and the front of my nose is stuffed up and I can’t blow it. It’s a really strange feeling. Because I know my nose is not stuffed up, I know instead I have a curved barbell running through my septum.

I still haven’t gotten used to seeing myself.

I have to say I really love my septum piercing. I feel very pretty with it. I just want to stare at myself, at it, for hours – admiring the beauty of my piercing and how it looks on my face. That’s rather conceited though, so I purposefully don’t let myself start at my reflection. Hence, I still haven’t gotten used to my new appearance.

It’s started to get cold up here in Ohio. It’s a rather unpleasant reality. It was 41 degrees when I left for work this morning. It’s supposed to get down to 40 tonight. We have a frost advisory. A frost advisory!! Can you believe it?!? This early in September?!? (Though I suppose with yesterday being the “true” start of fall, it is more believable than at other times).

I just hate the cold. Especially with my septum pierced, the last thing I need is a runny nose because my face got too cold. I don’t even have that many jackets right now. I have 2, plus my old OSU hoodie. I’ll need to go to target sometime later when they have more stock and buy another jacket. I could’ve brought the ones I used last year, but I don’t know. They just didn’t seem to fit with myself. So they stayed at home.

And I need gloves. A pair that is thicker than your standard cheap, knit gloves. Those fall apart too easily anyways, what with me keeping my nails long. I need a pair that’s not too expensive, because I have a knack for losing gloves, but also stops the wind and won’t fall apart.

I don’t know why I’m talking about all this. Mostly just procrastinating going to bed I think. I should go to bed, try to get a full night’s sleep. But I don’t want to. I’m an insomniac who’s not. I have no trouble sleeping, I just don’t want to sleep. I feel like I’m missing out on life if I go to bed before midnight.

I am happy with myself right now. I tell you, it’s the septum piercing. I feel like a new person. A person who doesn’t care what other people think and just does what she wants to do, what makes her happy. That’s how I feel right now. It’s a good feeling. I want to keep it. Everyone should keep that feeling.

It’s liberating.

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About emilleejoyce

I am a yoga alliance 200 hour certified yoga teacher whose hobbies include growing cacti and succulents, cooking vegan food, and bicycling. My day job is in academic publishing.

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