Not feeling it

Alright. I’m not expecting any sympathy from anybody, but I really just need to complain.

If you read my blog posts, by now you know that I’m a smoker.
Well, my parents don’t actually know that I smoke, so when I come home for break like this, I’m forced to drastically cut down on the amount that I smoke.

Last year, it didn’t really bother me that much. I didn’t have many problems with cutting back. But this year I’ve been smoking a lot more, and this break has been kind of torturous so far.

I’m able to smoke just often enough to keep the addiction and cravings going, but not frequently enough to satisfy them. This break has been a constant cycle of headaches and fatigue. It’s kind of miserable.

And I’m using food as a substitute for nicotine.
I now understand why so many people gain weight when they quit smoking. Unfortunately, food doesn’t actually satisfy the cravings, so I find myself just shoving more and more in. And it doesn’t help!!

On top of that, the food I’m using as a substitute is giving me horrible indigestion. It’s just this horrible cycle that I can’t stop.

I can’t wait to go back to Columbus where I can get back to smoking my normal amount. (I know, I know. I should just quit. But let’s face it, I won’t.)

Anyways, I just needed somewhere to complain about that. I know I’m not gonna get any sympathy but I just needed to get it off my chest. This is gonna be one long break.

Actually, I have a headache right now. And for some reason my heart is pounding also. Ugh. Not helping. I’m just one big ball of issues right now, aren’t I?? Haha.

Yeah, that’s all I got to say. Sorry it’s not interesting or revolutionary or anything like that. I’m just not feeling it tonight.



About emilleejoyce

I am a yoga alliance 200 hour certified yoga teacher whose hobbies include growing cacti and succulents, cooking vegan food, and bicycling. My day job is in academic publishing.

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