A Long Update

I’ve finally got some time and I’m bored so I figured I’d update y’all about my life. I’m currently listening to Otep’s new album, Hydra. It’s pretty good so far. I don’t know. In case you’re wondering.

Well, I’d say my life has been pretty eventful since my last update on here, since I got back from Christmas break.

First, my classes.
I’m taking Intro to World Literature, Turkish, an earth sciences class about the planets, sex & gender in the ancient world, and French 101. So far they’ve been pretty good. My world literature class will be interesting I think. It’s immigration focused and the books we will be reading look interesting. We’re even reading a book by Kundera, and I really like him! I’m undecided how I feel about my professor though. I was expecting a professor I had last semester to be teaching this class, but she up and moved to Switzerland or somewhere, so I have someone different. She’s Italian. I mean, so far so good, I just haven’t decided if I really like her yet though. We’ll see.

Turkish is Turkish, same as always. I’m really really behind on French though. I’m doing individualized instruction, so I don’t have a real class. I learn the material on my own and then schedule appointments with instructors. I completely procrastinated the first couple weeks of school and now I’m playing catch up. I think everything will be okay. Everything is online, and at first I really hated it, but after a series of emails between me and the head instructor, I think I’ve finally got everything figured out, and it’s not so bad. I think I may actually learn a decent amount.

I’m not excited about my planets class. I do have a genuine interest in the planets, but I was hoping this class would be all lecture, but it has a ton of class activities and we have to do math. Ugh. I haven’t done math in 3 years, so even though it’s only basic algebra, I’m just kind of out of it.

My sex & gender class has proved interesting so far. It’s a ton of reading but at least the subject material is interesting. We just finished up learning about greek pederasty (male-male relationships) and are now moving on to female homoeroticism. I’m happy that the class is decently literature based, even though it’s for my history requirement. It’s right up my alley.

So yeah. Those are my classes.

I also got my apartment rented. The apartment I was raving about over Christmas break turned out to be kind of crappy in real life. It definitely threw me for a loop. I’d put all my hopes into this one apartment, and I didn’t like it at all. I was allowed to view 3 apartments during my appointment, and luckily for me, my mom convinced to go see 3, even though I didn’t have 3 I was interested in originally. It’s lucky for me because that 3rd apartment I added at the sole urging of my mom, the one I thought would be crappy, is actually the one I wound up renting.

It has its pros and cons. It has a very open feeling floor plan that I really like and it’s decently big for a college apartment, though it is lacking a lot of natural light – something I kind of wanted. It comes with a dishwasher – a luxury in college apartments – but has no laundry and is 3 blocks away from the closest laundromat. It’s close to campus though, something the apartment I originally wanted couldn’t really claim. All in all, I think I’ll be really happy in this apartment. I just can’t wait for it to be August so I can move in!! I’m super excited. Dorm life is wearing me thin.

Hm. I can’t decide if I should get my rant about my ex out of the way right now or fill you in on other notable events right now. Let’s go with my ex.

As you know, he really wanted to see me when I got back from break. He even went so far as to say that he missed me!! And we saw each other, and it went well, but now, now I just feel ready to be done with him. The messages he’s sending me are so mixed and so frustrating, I’m tired of being on his bipolar roller coaster!! There’s this girl in Turkish class who he’s really good friends with. They have the same academic interests. And I’m almost positive he has some sort of feelings for her. They hang out a lot, he looks at her constantly in class and treats her the way he used to treat me when we were dating. And his body language seems to indicate that he has feelings as well. When he sits next to her, he sits super close, a couple times even leaning on her chair. She’s a grad student so she’s several years older than him. I’m not so sure she has any feelings beyond friendship for him though. At least, that’s what I hope.

Anyways. I mean, I guess I could deal with that, but I’m still caught up in his web. The other day he texted me and was like “I really need a friend to talk to right now”. Of course I went to him, but he wanted me to make him feel better and reassure him that all his academic goals aren’t pointless. I find it odd that he went to me for reassurance. But in class, he treats me like shit. One day, he was in a bad mood and didn’t give me a hug before he left (something we’ve been doing since we broke up). It didn’t help I was kind of mad about his whole flirting with that other girl, but I texted him about it (albeit a little confrontationally) and he got mad at me! And today, I asked him about his netflix because I’ve been “stealing” it and I couldn’t log in anymore. You know, it’s fine if he doesn’t want me to use it anymore, but what he said and the way he said it really kind of hurt. He said “Well, you’ve probably been blocked” or something like that. I don’t know. There are much better ways of telling someone you don’t want them to use your netflix anymore other than “you got blocked”.

I don’t know. These are only a few recent examples. He’s been kind of treating me like shit from the get go. I’m also just really disappointed in the lifestyle he’s chosen. The amount of drugs and intoxicants he uses is ridiculous!! I can understand alcohol and weed. Those are “normal” college drugs. But on top of those, he does acid and molly and shrooms and vivans and whatever else. And it seems to be almost constant. He seems to always be putting some sort of chemical into his body. He says he does it to have fun and “find enlightenment” but I really think he’s just running away from all his problems. I can’t be around someone like that. I’m not that kind of person.

~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~

Well, I just had to get that out of my system. My ex has been wearing on my nerves for a while now. His presence makes Turkish class much less enjoyable. On to other notable occurrences in my life.

The most depressing comes first.
My cousin died this past friday. I wasn’t really close to him and I haven’t really let myself cry about it any. Being in Columbus really helps to separate myself from the sadness. His death is notable because of how he died. Keep in mind he was only in his early 30s. But he got put in the hospital before Christmas because of a bad case of pneumonia. He actually had 2 different kinds. He was always getting sick, and originally, he was diagnosed with a genetic immune disorder. But as his condition worsened in the hospital, they (re)tested him for HIV. My cousin was bisexual/gay (I’m not sure which) and it came back positive. They couldn’t give him medicine for his HIV until the pneumonia was gone, but with his body compromised, the pneumonia never went away. His lungs got so weak, they had to put him on a ventilator, but he was on the ventilator for so long, that it wound up puncturing both of his lungs. My aunt and uncle made the decision on Friday to take him off the ventilator and he died shortly thereafter.

I could go on a huge rant about peoples’ reaction after he was diagnosed with HIV, but I won’t. Maybe some other day, but not now. I feel sad even recounting his death. I hate death. He was too young. And it’s weird to think that I will never see him at our family gatherings again.

But anyways, before I start bawling, over that same weekend, on Sunday, I got my first speeding ticket. Because of the long weekend, I went home with my friend and I was driving us home on Sunday. My friend is basically legally blind and it’s really hard for her to see at night so I was driving. I was on the highway going 80 in a 65 zone and got caught by a lovely fucking speed trap. $148 ticket. And I can’t pay it until I get paid. I only have $8 in my checking account right now because I had to pay the deposit on my apartment. And I don’t know when I’m getting paid.

It sucks that I got caught. I didn’t really think the amount I was speeding, on the highway at least, was that big of a deal. I mean, I was speeding. I was technically breaking the law and I accept the consequences of my actions, but I’m starting to understand why so many people hate cops. And you want to know what I learned from getting a ticket? I learned the only reason I probably got caught was because I was being a line leader. Apparently it’s bad to be the front or end of the line, which is dumb. Sorry if I don’t want to be stuck in a giant mass of cars on the highway and drive fast to keep that from happening.

So that’s that.
I have resumed meeting with my Buddhist group on campus, and even got my friend to come to one of the meetings. Tonight we read the heart sutra, and it was a nice look at Mahayana Buddhism for me.
My comparative studies group that I’m the treasurer of has also resumed meeting. Last night we had our first meeting. The actual meeting only lasted for about 45 minutes, but the 3 of us who showed up wound up sitting in the library for 4 hours just talking. Mainly about philosophy, but also about school and classes and what not. It was really nice. And at one point, the other people suggested meeting up again, just the 3 of us, to hang out. Wait, what?!? Did I just make new friends?!? I’ll admit, that moment made me kind of happy inside. Plus, the guy who was there….he was kind of attractive. I don’t know. Really his intelligence was more attractive, because holy crap could he rattle off some high level philosophy! He intrigues me…we’ll see if the 3 of us actually hang out again. We’ll see.

All these meetings have been interfering with my gym schedule though. The first week of class, I went to the gym 6 days of the week!! I was really proud of myself. But all these meetings are during my gym time, so I’ve had to miss the fitness classes I normally go too. I’m going to have to rework my schedule so I can fit absolutely everything in. I’m determined to keep up with my new year’s resolution and go to the gym as much as possible!!

But yeah. That’s about it. I actually could talk about more stuff, but I feel bad because I know this is really long blog post, and honestly if any of my readers make it this far, I’ll be impressed. But I just had to get some of that stuff off of my chest and figured I’d just go ahead and give y’all the full update.

I hope all y’all’s lives are going well. I’m going to bed. Good night.


I can’t wait to leave.

So today has been interesting.
I went to kohl’s and bought a new bra and pair of underwear. Yippee. That’s not exciting though.

Complications have arisen with my return to Columbus.

Originally, my friend was going to pick me up from the airport and let me stay at her apartment for the night. Then my ex offered both of those services, so I told my friend not to worry. Well today I found out that my ex can no longer house me for the night. So I asked my friend if it was cool if I still stayed the night…well she had already changed her plans. Now I have to coordinate between the two of them when my ex has to leave and my friend needs to be available.

Ugh. I feel like a horrible person for being so flaky and making my friend’s life so much more complicated. I know she’s not gonna hate me or anything, but I hate having to coordinate and plan and that’s what this situation has made me have to do.

I also tried to Skype with my ex tonight (his suggestion) and it was a super fail. The connection kept crapping out on us. Neither of us could hardly get a sentence in before the video feed would cut out and the connection was lost. Ugh.

It has been a slightly frustrating night.

Oh, also, my ex is in the process of quitting smoking right now. He was complaining of the fatigue he felt from it tonight. But he said, if I still smoke, he’ll probably bum cigarettes from me. I don’t know. Interesting tidbit of info I thought. I don’t think he’s really committed to quitting just yet.

I also decided to buy some new exercise clothes from amazon tonight. Let me tell you, I have never felt more guilty about a purchase than I did tonight. It’s just really hard spending my money when I know I’m supposed to be saving for my apartment.

I mean, I can rationalize it by saying that I did kind of need new workout clothes. I don’t own very many right now, and since my new year’s resolution is to go to the gym more, I need something to wear. And I’m one of those girls where, if I don’t have something cute to wear, I just won’t go. So my purchases are justifiable.

And I did budget my purchases to make sure I still had enough money to make the deposit on an apartment. I still feel bad though. My parents are freaking out so much about the cost of an apartment, it makes me feel guilty for not being like that. I’m not worried, but they seem to be, so then I get worried about the fact that I’m not worried. Ugh. So complicated.

But hopefully all the clothes fit and I like them and I won’t have to deal with the hassle of trying to send them back. I generally hate buying clothes on the Internet because you can’t try them on, but the normal stores you buy exercise clothes from just don’t offer what I want.

I also bought a book of like, buddhist children’s stories. I don’t know. I only bought it because I wanted to get the free super saver shipping. We’ll just file it away under the “for the future” category, not that a children’s book wouldn’t have valuable lessons for an adult in it. I do dream about having kids one day and teaching them about Buddhism and stuff. It’s a little fantasy of mine.

Oh well.
That was my day.
Tomorrow is my last day in Augusta thank god. I’m so ready to leave and get back to Columbus. There’s a reason they call my hometown “Disgusta”. So tomorrow will devoted purely to packing and getting ready to leave on Saturday.

Sometimes I feel guilty for 1) not wanting to come home and 2) when I am home, not enjoying my time here. But it is what it is. Like I said, Columbus is home now. I don’t really have any friends left here and I hate living with my parents. We get along much better when we don’t have to share the shame living quarters. I mean, I’ve never really been homesick before. I don’t know if I ever will be. I just like being independent and not having to be accountable to someone all the time. It’s very freeing.

But that’s my post for the night. I don’t have much else to say, other than Saturday can’t come fast enough.
Nighty night.

I can’t wait!!

So today’s big excitement consisted of going through everything we pulled out the attic for my future apartment and deciding what I actually wanted and what I didn’t.

I’m feeling a little less…annoyed about having to use handmedowns after seeing what all we have. I’ll have a (mostly) complete set of dishes and silverware. So that solved the matching problem. I decided it’s really not so much unmatched rooms that bother me, but unmatched sets. Like I might would have to throw a little fit if I had a hodge-podge of unmatched dishes or whatever, but I won’t so it’s okay.

But the dishes I’ll have, they’ve grown on me, and I actually really like them. They have a light green border with real gold trim. They originally belonged to my grandmother. I’ve decided I can match my towels and stuff to the green in the plates. That matching, coupled with the nice, light green color will create a harmonious kitchen, I think.

Well anyways, I was browsing around on amazon today (that’s what I do when I’m bored) and I came across these really pretty (and cheap!) elephant statues that might make good decorations for my apartment. And then I was struck by inspiration! What if I had an Indian/oriental theme to my apartment??

I don’t know. I already have my Buddha statue. And we’ve got this carving made out of cork of an Asian garden scene that I’ll probably take with me. It wouldn’t be too hard, would it??

I don’t know. I can’t really plan anything what with not actually knowing what apartment I’ll wind up leasing and what the floor plan looks like. Plus, decorations will be the last thing on my list to worry about financially. But it’s an idea.

I just don’t know how well Indian and oriental will mesh in terms of style. I mean, I think of India and I think of bright, garish colors and Hinduism. When I think of “oriental”, I think of minimalism, understated colors, and Buddhism. Those styles are kind of the opposite of each other.

Ideally, I’d just like to create a space that focuses on and emphasizes my Buddha and the eventual shrine I plan to create for it. I won’t have a TV in my apartment, so I’d like my Buddha to take the place of the focal point that the TV would normal occupy. I just want to create an atmosphere that is such, when I walk into it, my mind immediately becomes peaceful and thinks of Buddhism. My own little spiritual sanctuary.

I briefly browsed through some feng shui books on amazon; going with the theme of harmony and peace, I thought feng shui might help me design my living space in an appropriate manner. But after about a 5 minute search on google for information, I decided feng shui was too complicated. And honestly, when you get into serious feng shui, it’s all numerology and stuff I don’t really believe in. I can create a harmonious living space on my own, thank you very much, without the help of feng shui.

But I really am excited about having my own apartment. I can’t wait until all the logistic stuff is over with and I can just focus on making it my own. Granted, decorations and stuff may have to wait for a little while, as I save up the money for them. It’s a little…inconvenient to realize all the spending money I’m making now with my job, which I’d normally spend on frivolous things like decorations, will be eaten up paying for rent. Oh well. It will just make my decorations that much more meaningful – because I might have to save for a long time to get them.

Ah but I’m excited!! I hope my excitement isn’t just naïveté clouding over any difficulties. I don’t know. My parents have been worrying so much about this, I worry they might know something I don’t!! Haha (they know a lot that I don’t). But I’d like to believe they are the worry warts and everything will go fine and smooth. My fingers are still crossed with hope and anticipation!!

I shall fall asleep tonight dreaming of all the wonderful things my apartment could be.
Good night y’all!!

The iPhone 5 & Hissing Cockroaches

So today was spent getting my new iPhone set up and running. I’m blogging from it now!! :) We got my phone number transferred over along with my contacts, on top of all my apps and stuff, and I got a new case.

Let me tell you, the iPhone 5 is fast. Like, super fast. Waaay faster than the iPhone 4. I can’t even believe it. I’m still amazed and a little giddy about the fastness. And I have 4G. ^_^ Maybe other people don’t think that’s so cool, but I do. Super fastness!!

It’s a little disorienting because the iPhone 5’s screen holds 20 apps, where the 4 only held 16. So all my apps are moved around and it’s a little confusing. I keep wanting to look in the wrong place for stuff. Oh well. I’ll get used to it. Haha.

I went to Lowe’s tonight and I was really sad I couldn’t bring home any plants. They had diffenbachias for $3!! (Diffenbachias are on my “plant wish list”). But I guess on my wish list is where they will stay because I don’t have the room or the money really to adopt another plant right now (plus you can’t easily fly a plant on an airplane). One can dream though…

I also went to Kohl’s so my mom could return the bracelet she bought me for Christmas. It’s not that I didn’t like the bracelet, I just probably wouldn’t wear it. I hardly wear jewelry anymore, plus she’d gotten me a bracelet very similar to it before.

I feel so bad returning gifts. I feel like it makes me ungrateful. But my mom said she would rather return the gift and get her money back than for me to keep it and it never get used. That’s true I guess, but I still feel like I’m being ungrateful. I suppose I just shouldn’t think about it too much. It’s over and done with anyways.

I’ve also been thinking about pets. I’d really like to have some kind of living animal in my apartment next year. I’m not really sure if my plan will work, because the real estate company of the apartment I really want to rent has a “strict no pets” policy. But see, I don’t know if that strict no pets policy applies to things in cages, specifically insects.

I’ve wanted a tarantula forever, but after looking online, I decided the initial start-up cost and feeding cost was too high, even though care requirements are low. I also thought fish might be an option, but the initial costs and care requirements are too high. So I’ve come up with the perfect solution!! Madagascar hissing cockroaches!!

Okay, so I have a love for bugs. And in my entomology class this past semester, our professor taught us about hissing cockroaches and how easy they are to care for – which inspired me. Plus, I think they’re kind of cool. They make noise and are easy to handle as well. Feeding and care is minimum. You just feed them dry dog or cat food with some occasional compostable scraps (aka garbage) and you’re good to go!! They’re low mess and they only live for about 3 years, so they’re low commitment. They’re perfect!! Plus they’d be a great conversation starter. ;)

Like I said, this is all dependent upon whether cockroaches count as “pets” and if they’re allowed in my apartment. Even if they weren’t allowed, I could still probably get away with keeping them but still. It’s nice to have permission.

I don’t know. I just think they would be a cool, low cost, low maintenance pet. Perfect for a poor college student!! I just really want to have something to take care of other than plants. I love my plants dearly, but they don’t move or make noise or any of that. Hissing cockroaches do and they’re just plain cool!!

But yeah. That’s my grand idea. I think it’s a good idea personally, but we’ll see if it actually works out in execution.

I don’t really have much else to talk about. My day has been pretty bland. Tomorrow promises to be even blander than today because I have absolutely nothing planned. Oh well. That’s Christmas break for ya. Pretty boring, at least in my case.

Good night y’all.

Everything has to match.

Well I want to start out by saying tonight, that I’ve started noticing improvements in my flexibility. I’m almost afraid to believe it because flexibility has always been so hard for me.

I mean, yes, I am getting deeper in my forward bends, but the most exciting progress for me is my standing toe touch (Uttanasana). I know I’ve been emphasizing proper form in all my stretches, but I still use the improper form to measure my progress. Let’s face it, if someone asks you to touch your toes, you’re not gonna use a straight back. You’re going to bend in whichever way helps you touch your toes (aka, bending from the waist).

Well back, I guess a week and a half ago when I first started stretching, with a bent back, at the most, I could get my knuckles to touch the floor. And that was warned up!! On cold muscles, I could barely even touch my toes. Well now, warmed up, I can put my whole palms on the ground!! Doing so is still an intense stretch, but it’s better than I’ve ever been able to do before. I can still pretty much do it on cold muscles too, just not as easily, and I can’t hold it.

But still, even though this is all with improper form, it’s still success!! And I’ve finally started passing 90 degrees in my forward bends with proper form. I’m super happy and now I really can’t wait to get back to Columbus so I can start exercising and getting stronger. I know once that happens, then I’ll see real improvements.

The only thing I’m worried about is keeping up my current stretching schedule. Right now, I stretch for approximately an hour every night. I don’t know when I’ll have time for that during school, especially when I’ll already be spending an hour at the gym.

I mean, it would be one thing if I was working out alone, I would just take an extra hour after my class to stretch, but my friends will probably come with me, and I know they don’t want to hang around for an hour after a class.

What I’ll probably have to do is develop some sort of shortened routine where I can still make stretching improvements, but not spend an hour doing so. You know, maybe only focus on my hamstrings and hip flexors. And maybe not hold the stretches as long as I do at home.

Hm. I’ll figure something out.

But yeah. Now I’m super excited to start going to the gym. I love it when hard work pays off, especially because so many nights I just feel like skipping.
I wonder how much more progress I’ll make before I leave on January 5th?? That’s an exciting thought.

Anyways, today consisted of church and rooting around in the attic for handmedown dishes for my apartment. I’m not super excited about having to use old dishes for my apartment, mainly because they’re all ugly. But we can’t really afford to go out and buy everything new, as much as I wish we could.

I’m just really anal about everything matching, and when you use handmedowns, matching is a nonexistent concept.
I’m not sure where the desire to have all new things comes from, I’ve been like this for a while. I think it stems from being the second child and always being made to go through other peoples’ clothes. And I mean, that stopped as I got older, but the handmedowns still manifested in other ways.

I’ve never had matching furniture, which bothers me. I know furniture is expensive, but in my whole 19 years, not once have I had a matching set. Not even a handmedown matching set, I’ve always had a hodge-podge of furniture.

And with my rooms, even though my mom always matched my bedspread to the walls, my decorations never really matched. I guess that’s mostly my fault though, because I was the one who picked out the decorations. I could’ve picked out matching ones if I really wanted too.

I don’t know. I’m sure I’m making it sound way worse than it actually was. This is just how my mind perceived it. You have to admit though, there’s something to be said for an all-matching room. It just looks so nice and well planned.

Oh well. My mom said this’ll just give me something to save up for. Joy, spending my money on dishes. Oh well. There’s really not much I can do. I guess I’ll never have a truly matching house, until well, I can own my own house and I can alter it as I please. Something to look forward to I guess.

Today in church, I was thinking I might blog tonight about something religious. I had a lot of good topics come to mind, but now, I don’t know, I don’t feel very inspired to write about them. Maybe some other day.

I guess my lack of desire to write about religious things reflects the priority religion currently has in my life. It really should be the #1 thing, but it’s not. That’s on my to-do list though, a new year’s resolution. I’ve got several Buddhist books sitting in my dorm waiting to be read, and I’m going to do my best to read them. A little bit each day. It’ll be good for me.

But that’s all I really have to say for tonight. I’m ready to just lay down and chill out, not that I haven’t been doing that already. I’ve just been lazy this whole break. I suppose there’s nothing really wrong with that, though I really do need to work on my research paper….

Nighty night.


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