Distracted Writing

Currently working on turning my old iPhone into an iPod, so sorry if this post seems a little distracted.

So today I felt the actual repercussions of the damage I did to myself last night. Last night, I was only feeling soreness in the top of my hamstrings, but this morning I woke up and basically the entire back of my legs hurt. I seriously overstretched my hamstrings. It’ll probably take several days for this soreness to go away.

And my knee is really bad. Last night, and this morning, walking sent a little needle of pain up through my knee. I wrapped it last night to keep it immobilized and tried to avoid putting any pressure on it today or bending it past 90 degrees, but it still hurts.

Tonight I did stretch a little bit. But it was very minor stretching. I was just trying to get some of this soreness out if my hamstrings. I also did some pliés/squats to help strengthen my messed up knee. I’m positive I can rehabilitate both of my injuries successfully on my own because they’re minor. It will just take time and I’ll have to be careful. Especially since I’m going back to Columbus in 3 days and I was planning to start exercising as soon as I got back.

Ugh.
Well today I went to JoAnn’s (the fabric store) and Kohl’s. my mom wanted to me to look at fabric for a chair and foot stool of mine that needs reupholstering. Hopefully I’ll be able to use them in my imaginary new apartment. They just need to be reupholstered first….

I also went to kohl’s to look at bras. The other night I convinced myself that I was wearing the wrong size and I wanted to go to kohl’s to try on different sizes to see if my hunch is right.

Well I still am not sure. My band size is a 34 and I really wanted to try on a 32 because I’m pretty sure that’s the part that I’m getting wrong. But guess what?? Kohl’s only has 32s in A’s and B’s. so I gave up and just shopped for my regular size. I didn’t buy anything, though I did find some that fit.

Me and my mom also re-dyed my hair tonight. It sure is a good thing we didn’t wait until the absolute minute because I have giant dye stains on my forehead that probably won’t go away for a couple of days. *rolls eyes* What can you expect when your mom is dyeing your hair?? She does a pretty good job though. We have both learned along the way of this 5-6 year journey.

I suppose today has been one of my more “exciting” days on break. I’m just ready to get back to Columbus. I definitely think of Columbus as my home now. Georgia is my hometown, you know, where I grew up, but Columbus is my home.

I never understand the saying “home is where the heart is” because I always hated living in Augusta so much, but now I understand it. My heart is in Columbus and Columbus is home. And I can’t wait to go back.

Vent I Shall

I have a miserable headache right now. I don’t know what’s causing it either. They seem to have become an almost every day thing now. But they carry a nasty side effect of light sensitivity…or maybe the light sensitivity is causing the headaches.

I don’t know. I just hope they go away when I go back to Columbus. Going outside during the day has become almost painful if I don’t have sunglasses.

I had an appointment to get my hair cut today and because the place is a literal 5 minute drive away, I decided I didn’t need to wear sunglasses (which I almost always wear when I drive). But by the time I got to the salon, the amount of discomfort I was experiencing was on the verge of being painful.

It seems to be mainly bright light that causes/contributes to the headaches. The TV and computer don’t bother me so much anymore. But if I happen to be laying on the couch in such a way it causes the overhead light to be in my field of vision, I’m absolutely miserable.

I just wish I knew what was causing these headaches so I could potentially fix it and make the headaches go away. The light sensitivity wouldn’t be so bad if the headaches didn’t come along with it. I’m lucky the headaches aren’t migraines, but they’re still not pleasant.

But basically the motto of that story is that I feel like crap right now.

And I feel like emotional crap too. I have to watch my every thought, otherwise I’ll wind up upsetting myself about my ex. Everything seems to remind me of him. I don’t know why he’s been on my mind so much. I don’t know why I’ve been feeling so sad about it lately.

It literally feels like a part of my soul is broken.
I’m not even sad about the relationship anymore. I’m just hurt. So immensely and desperately hurt.

My heart’s been broken before, but never this badly. I’ve never felt so betrayed. It’s been probably close to 3 months since we broke up and I still don’t feel any closer to healing.

I haven’t been able to forgive or forget.

The only thing I feel like would help is if I got a sincere apology. If I knew the way he treated me bothered him as much as it bothered me, I might could possibly move on.

Yes he apologized to me before I left for the summer and I don’t doubt that part of it was sincere. But the more I think about it, the more his apology sounds like a “suck it up and move on” than an “I’m sorry”.

I just hate the idea that I’m stuck here, sad and pitiful, while he’s off living his life and not thinking about it at all. Does he have a guilty conscience?? Or is he really that oblivious to how much he hurt me??

But regardless, I don’t feel like talking about it anymore. I’m doing my best to keep myself in good spirits. But at night, it’s like it all comes bubbling out again.

Like I mentioned earlier, I did get my hair cut today. Nothing fancy, just got all the dead stuff trimmed off and got it re-layered. My hair looks a lot nicer now that it looks healthy. I lost like 3 or 4 inches in dead ends, so it’s noticeably shorter now.

I wish I knew how to style my hair. Other than using a blow dryer, I’m completely clueless. I can’t even use a curling iron!!
I had planned to “practice” this summer, but that has yet to happen.

I just want to be one of those girls whose clothes not only look fabulous every day, but her hair and makeup do as well. I’ve got the clothes part covered pretty well I think, but the hair and makeup are still elusive.

I know how to do my makeup. I just tend to get in a makeup rut and use the same colors over and over again. That’s easily fixable, but I have no idea what to do with my hair. It’s so difficult to deal with. It doesn’t hold curl, it tangles easily, breaks easily, and has very little natural body. Not to mention I’m usually to lazy to exert the necessary amount of effort to style it.

I know I’m lucky in that I can let my hair air dry and it will dry stick straight, but it’s also inconvenient as well.

But yeah. I think I spent all of tonight complaining. Sorry!! But that’s the URL of this blog: I need somewhere to vent. So vent I shall.

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