I can’t wait to leave.

So today has been interesting.
I went to kohl’s and bought a new bra and pair of underwear. Yippee. That’s not exciting though.

Complications have arisen with my return to Columbus.

Originally, my friend was going to pick me up from the airport and let me stay at her apartment for the night. Then my ex offered both of those services, so I told my friend not to worry. Well today I found out that my ex can no longer house me for the night. So I asked my friend if it was cool if I still stayed the night…well she had already changed her plans. Now I have to coordinate between the two of them when my ex has to leave and my friend needs to be available.

Ugh. I feel like a horrible person for being so flaky and making my friend’s life so much more complicated. I know she’s not gonna hate me or anything, but I hate having to coordinate and plan and that’s what this situation has made me have to do.

I also tried to Skype with my ex tonight (his suggestion) and it was a super fail. The connection kept crapping out on us. Neither of us could hardly get a sentence in before the video feed would cut out and the connection was lost. Ugh.

It has been a slightly frustrating night.

Oh, also, my ex is in the process of quitting smoking right now. He was complaining of the fatigue he felt from it tonight. But he said, if I still smoke, he’ll probably bum cigarettes from me. I don’t know. Interesting tidbit of info I thought. I don’t think he’s really committed to quitting just yet.

I also decided to buy some new exercise clothes from amazon tonight. Let me tell you, I have never felt more guilty about a purchase than I did tonight. It’s just really hard spending my money when I know I’m supposed to be saving for my apartment.

I mean, I can rationalize it by saying that I did kind of need new workout clothes. I don’t own very many right now, and since my new year’s resolution is to go to the gym more, I need something to wear. And I’m one of those girls where, if I don’t have something cute to wear, I just won’t go. So my purchases are justifiable.

And I did budget my purchases to make sure I still had enough money to make the deposit on an apartment. I still feel bad though. My parents are freaking out so much about the cost of an apartment, it makes me feel guilty for not being like that. I’m not worried, but they seem to be, so then I get worried about the fact that I’m not worried. Ugh. So complicated.

But hopefully all the clothes fit and I like them and I won’t have to deal with the hassle of trying to send them back. I generally hate buying clothes on the Internet because you can’t try them on, but the normal stores you buy exercise clothes from just don’t offer what I want.

I also bought a book of like, buddhist children’s stories. I don’t know. I only bought it because I wanted to get the free super saver shipping. We’ll just file it away under the “for the future” category, not that a children’s book wouldn’t have valuable lessons for an adult in it. I do dream about having kids one day and teaching them about Buddhism and stuff. It’s a little fantasy of mine.

Oh well.
That was my day.
Tomorrow is my last day in Augusta thank god. I’m so ready to leave and get back to Columbus. There’s a reason they call my hometown “Disgusta”. So tomorrow will devoted purely to packing and getting ready to leave on Saturday.

Sometimes I feel guilty for 1) not wanting to come home and 2) when I am home, not enjoying my time here. But it is what it is. Like I said, Columbus is home now. I don’t really have any friends left here and I hate living with my parents. We get along much better when we don’t have to share the shame living quarters. I mean, I’ve never really been homesick before. I don’t know if I ever will be. I just like being independent and not having to be accountable to someone all the time. It’s very freeing.

But that’s my post for the night. I don’t have much else to say, other than Saturday can’t come fast enough.
Nighty night.

I can’t wait!!

So today’s big excitement consisted of going through everything we pulled out the attic for my future apartment and deciding what I actually wanted and what I didn’t.

I’m feeling a little less…annoyed about having to use handmedowns after seeing what all we have. I’ll have a (mostly) complete set of dishes and silverware. So that solved the matching problem. I decided it’s really not so much unmatched rooms that bother me, but unmatched sets. Like I might would have to throw a little fit if I had a hodge-podge of unmatched dishes or whatever, but I won’t so it’s okay.

But the dishes I’ll have, they’ve grown on me, and I actually really like them. They have a light green border with real gold trim. They originally belonged to my grandmother. I’ve decided I can match my towels and stuff to the green in the plates. That matching, coupled with the nice, light green color will create a harmonious kitchen, I think.

Well anyways, I was browsing around on amazon today (that’s what I do when I’m bored) and I came across these really pretty (and cheap!) elephant statues that might make good decorations for my apartment. And then I was struck by inspiration! What if I had an Indian/oriental theme to my apartment??

I don’t know. I already have my Buddha statue. And we’ve got this carving made out of cork of an Asian garden scene that I’ll probably take with me. It wouldn’t be too hard, would it??

I don’t know. I can’t really plan anything what with not actually knowing what apartment I’ll wind up leasing and what the floor plan looks like. Plus, decorations will be the last thing on my list to worry about financially. But it’s an idea.

I just don’t know how well Indian and oriental will mesh in terms of style. I mean, I think of India and I think of bright, garish colors and Hinduism. When I think of “oriental”, I think of minimalism, understated colors, and Buddhism. Those styles are kind of the opposite of each other.

Ideally, I’d just like to create a space that focuses on and emphasizes my Buddha and the eventual shrine I plan to create for it. I won’t have a TV in my apartment, so I’d like my Buddha to take the place of the focal point that the TV would normal occupy. I just want to create an atmosphere that is such, when I walk into it, my mind immediately becomes peaceful and thinks of Buddhism. My own little spiritual sanctuary.

I briefly browsed through some feng shui books on amazon; going with the theme of harmony and peace, I thought feng shui might help me design my living space in an appropriate manner. But after about a 5 minute search on google for information, I decided feng shui was too complicated. And honestly, when you get into serious feng shui, it’s all numerology and stuff I don’t really believe in. I can create a harmonious living space on my own, thank you very much, without the help of feng shui.

But I really am excited about having my own apartment. I can’t wait until all the logistic stuff is over with and I can just focus on making it my own. Granted, decorations and stuff may have to wait for a little while, as I save up the money for them. It’s a little…inconvenient to realize all the spending money I’m making now with my job, which I’d normally spend on frivolous things like decorations, will be eaten up paying for rent. Oh well. It will just make my decorations that much more meaningful – because I might have to save for a long time to get them.

Ah but I’m excited!! I hope my excitement isn’t just naïveté clouding over any difficulties. I don’t know. My parents have been worrying so much about this, I worry they might know something I don’t!! Haha (they know a lot that I don’t). But I’d like to believe they are the worry warts and everything will go fine and smooth. My fingers are still crossed with hope and anticipation!!

I shall fall asleep tonight dreaming of all the wonderful things my apartment could be.
Good night y’all!!

I love Epsom salt baths.

I can’t believe I haven’t posted since September. Sorry about that. A lot has contributed to my absence. Mainly, on top of being super busy, I just haven’t felt like writing.

But the semester is over now. Tonight’s my first night back in Georgia. So I’ll have plenty of free time to post now. Woo! I guess I should get y’all updated then.

So school.
I’ve gotten all my final grades in except for one. All A’s so far. I’m expecting my last grade, fingers crossed, to be a B.

All of my classes were good this year, except for my history class, which is the class I’m praying I make a B in. I have determined that history just isn’t really my thing. Too many dates and too many people.

Plus the final exam for that class was killer. On top of doing multiple choice questions, a map portion, and an identification section, we were expected to write 2 full length essays!! In an hour and 45 minutes no less!! I’m sorry, but if you want me to do all that, AND write 2 awesome essays, I’m gonna need more time. I actually feel pretty good about the exam. It’s only the second essay I’m really worried about. I didn’t have time to plan out my thoughts or evidence, and to be honest, I didn’t really know the answer to the prompt, so there was some major BS-ing going on. I’m just praying for a B. If I get a B in that class, I’ll be happy.

All of my other classes were great though. Turkish was Turkish, so I didn’t have any problems there. My English class was great and I did awesome on my final presentation. I did great on my translation studies paper and entomology was easy. The final wound up not even counting in that class because I had such a good grade.

So yeah, not a bad semester, but I sure am glad it’s over with. I’ve never had a finals week so intense. But next semester, I’ll be taking Turkish again, a class on the planets, intro to world literature, a class on sex and gender in the ancient world, and French 101. I’m excited about next semester. I think all of my classes will be really fun.

I’ve also started preparing to rent my own apartment next year. We’re gonna get all that straightened out while I’m home for christmas. I can’t stand living in the dorms and I’m super excited to live on my own, off campus, next year. No roommate to worry about, I’ll be able to cook my own food, it’ll be great I think. I’ve got several apartments already picked out, but I haven’t looked at any of them yet. The public season for the main ones I’m looking at doesn’t start until January 11th, so I have to wait. Fingers crossed though that I find the perfect apartment without too much difficulty. And that everything works out money wise because we’re planning on paying for my apartment out of pocket.

Me and my mom talked briefly about that tonight. She estimated it’ll cost $1000 a month for me to live off campus, but I think her estimate is too high. That’s all based on my spending this year and hypothetical utility bills. Living in an apartment will cut down on my spending costs because I won’t be eating out so much. And there are ways (I’m prepared to sacrifice) to make utility bills lower.

But yeah. I’m planning on staying in Columbus, basically year round. I want to get an off campus job this summer on top of my on campus job when next school year starts up. I’m going to pay for rent and possibly some other stuff if I can. I’m prepared (well, working on it) and I think everything will work out.

I’m sure those of you (if you do exist) that care about my meager life for some reason, want to know about me and my ex. And I can honestly say, things are good. I feel like our relationship has reached a point of balance and comfortability. You know, I’ve accepted that we’re not together and I’m okay with that. Maybe well get back together one day, maybe we won’t. But things are really good.

I’ve finally reached a place of emotional stability. I’m not constantly swinging back and forth between extremes anymore. Yes, I still do fantasize about us being together, but that fantasizing doesn’t send me into a depression like it used to. I think I can honestly say I’m happy with the current situation. It may not be ideal. Others may think its not right or not healthy or whatever, but I’m pretty content.

I’ve found lowering my standards has helped. Haha. I’ve stopped expecting so much from my ex. Maybe he’s not acting the way I want or imagined originally, but I can’t control him, and that’s okay. He talks to me when he talks to me. When see each other when we see each other. There’s not many expectations or pressure. And he’s still there for me. I mean, he took me to the airport this morning. He’s taking care of my plants over break. Things are good. We’ll see where the future takes us.

So yeah, that’s my update for now. That’s all I can think of that’s major. Perhaps I’ll have something more interesting to post tomorrow. But basically, I just wanted to say, I’m back!!

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